A vicious circle

Whenever I see someone who is hurt or looks sad, it makes me sad too. Knowing this person isn’t feeling well. Not loving him or herself, or at least not enough. Not accepting his/her being. Maybe even feels hate towards him/herself. Doens’t think he/she is beautiful. Not fun, good looking, smart, you name it…

And the reason why this person feels this way? Often you can find the reason for it, in the past.  Mostly in the childhood even. The time where your character is shaped. The perion that is super important in the way you shape yourself.

I have been there too. I know that, everything in your past, defines the way you look at life now. It defines the way you feel now. The way you think about yourself. The way you ARE. The way you DO.

Your work.
Your daily life
The way you interact with your partner
With your kids
With friends
With money
With your body

I honestly swore to NEVER treat my kids the way I was treated by my mother. Never!

About 6 years ago, when we decided we wanted to try to get pregnant, I knew – on a soul level – that this baby couldn’t be a girl. That just wasn’t an otion. It just couldn’t be. Not that a girl wouldn’t be loved. No, of course not.

But it would be too confronting for me.  I had a terrible example of a mother-daugter relationship. And I was extremely afraid that I would, then, follow that example. Huring my child the exact way she did to me. No matter how awful it was, no matter how much I hated her for it. I just knew that having a girl would be risky, for all of us.

We have 2 boys. Two amazing, loving, cheeky, naughty and energetic boys. Yes, sometimes the drive me craze with their bouncy energy. I mean, I really love my peace and calm. I just need that stillness around me.

During the pregnancy of my youngest, I used to say all the time: This boy needs to be a calm and peaceful boy, kind of like my character. The oldest would be the one (well, together with his dad then) the energetic, bouncy, busy one. And then I would have this gentle, calm, peaceful boy on “my side”. Kind of like keeping the balance.

But nope… During one of the echo’s this little one was already super busy. The woman making the echo tried to capture him on a photo. And there it was. The first sign that this was absolutely not going to be this super calm little boy. “Oh man, he just doens’t want to stay still. I can’t even make this photo for you!” Wow, OK, already super busy.

But I know that you always get what you need. To grow. To develop. Exactly what is needed for that inner growth.

Guess I got what I needed. To amazing boys, that I love to the moon and back. And I just know that I will never hurt them the way I was hurt. Not just because they are boys and not girls. No, because I have grown as a human being. As a mother.

It is my duty, my purpose, to change the course. Change the course of my family’s history. The hurt, sadness, pain, injustice, disrespect. I choose to do things differently.

These are not just words, like the way people often say things. Especially when it comes to doing something totally different than your parents.

Because, how often do you hear this:
Kids are being abused (mentally, emotionally, physically even).
They grow up and have kids of their own.
Ad then start to abuse their kids.

NO MATTER how bad it felt when they were hurt themselves by their parents. No matter how much pain they felt. No matter how it changed then. No matter how sad they felt. No matter how the swore to never do this to their kids.

Let be honest here. It’s a vicious circle. One that is extremely hard to break through. But hard or difficult, doens’t mean it’s impossible to do. It is POSSIBLE! You just have to choose to do so, actively.

Every day again. Every hour even.


Choose to do it differently. And then take the right action. Doing what you say you’ll be doing. Acting on it. Doing what you promised yourself, and your kids.

That’s the way. The ONLY way!

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