Healing is often portrayed as a journey toward peace and happiness, but what no one really talks about is how exhausting it can be. If you’ve ever found yourself wondering, “Why do I feel worse before I feel better?” or “Is something wrong with me for feeling this drained?” – you’re not alone.
The truth is, deep healing – especially trauma healing – isn’t just an emotional process; it’s a full-body experience that affects your nervous system, your energy levels, and even your ability to function in daily life. And the more we understand why healing can feel so exhausting, the better we can support ourselves through it.
Why Does Healing Feel So Exhausting?
1. You’re Rewiring Your Nervous System
Trauma doesn’t just live in the mind; it’s stored in the body. When you’ve lived in survival mode for years – whether through fight, flight, freeze, or fawn responses – your nervous system adapts to that stress. It becomes your baseline.
Healing means teaching your body that it’s safe again – but that’s not an instant process. It requires nervous system regulation, and at first, it can feel exhausting simply because your body is adjusting to something new.
Think of it like learning a new skill. The first few times you try, it takes an incredible amount of focus and effort. Healing is the same – it takes energy to undo old patterns and replace them with new ones.
2. Emotions That Were Suppressed for Years Are Coming Up
One of the hardest parts of healing is facing emotions that you may have suppressed for years (or even decades). When you start working through trauma, those emotions don’t just disappear; they rise to the surface – sometimes all at once.
This can be overwhelming and draining, especially if you’re not used to allowing yourself to feel fully. Emotional processing is physically exhausting because it requires both your brain and body to work hard.
3. Your Brain Is Working Overtime
When you engage in deep healing – whether through therapy, EMDR, or inner work – your brain is doing the equivalent of a heavy workout.
You’re asking it to:
✅ Identify old, painful patterns
✅ Process traumatic memories
✅ Create new, healthier neural pathways
This takes mental energy, which is why you might feel completely wiped out after a therapy session or a deep self-reflection.
4. Healing Disrupts Old Coping Mechanisms
Before healing, you likely had unconscious coping mechanisms that helped you survive – numbing out, people-pleasing, avoidance, or even working yourself to exhaustion.
When you start healing, those coping mechanisms no longer work the same way. This can leave you feeling raw, exposed, and emotionally drained because your brain is no longer relying on those old survival strategies.
It’s like removing training wheels – you’re learning to navigate life in a completely new way, which takes time and energy.
5. You’re Moving Between Different Nervous System States
Healing isn’t linear. Some days, you feel lighter and more peaceful. Other days, you feel shut down, overwhelmed, or irritable.
This is because your nervous system is shifting between different states:
➡ Fight/Flight: Anxiety, anger, restlessness
➡ Freeze/Fawn: Numbness, shutdown, exhaustion
➡ Regulation: Calm, safety, connection
The exhaustion you feel is often the result of your nervous system trying to adjust to these new states of being. It’s completely normal.
How to Support Yourself Through Exhausting Parts of Healing
1. Give Yourself Permission to Rest
Resting is not “doing nothing.” It’s a crucial part of healing. Your body and brain are working hard behind the scenes – so honor that.
💡 If you feel exhausted, listen to your body. Take breaks. Prioritize sleep. Healing happens in moments of stillness, not just in action.
2. Regulate Your Nervous System Daily
If you’re deep in trauma healing, nervous system regulation needs to be part of your routine – just like eating and sleeping.
Some simple but powerful tools:
✔ Breathwork: Slow, deep breaths help activate the parasympathetic nervous system (your “rest and digest” state).
✔ Somatic exercises: Gentle movement (like stretching, shaking, or tapping) releases stored tension in the body.
✔ Journaling: Processing emotions on paper helps your brain make sense of them.
✔ Meditation: Even just 5 minutes of mindfulness can calm an overstimulated nervous system.
✔ Self-compassion practices: Speak to yourself with the kindness you would give a loved one.
(If you want structured guidance on these tools, I created a free 7-day Nervous System Reset that walks you through daily exercises for nervous system regulation. You can sign up here!)
3. Accept That Healing Isn’t Linear
One of the biggest mindset shifts I had to make in my own healing was realizing that progress doesn’t always feel good.
Healing is like climbing a mountain – some days, you feel strong and capable; other days, it feels like you’re slipping backward. But even when it feels like you’re stuck, you’re still growing.
Don’t judge your healing by how “good” you feel. Judge it by how much more awareness, resilience, and self-compassion you have than before.
4. Consider EMDR for Deeper Healing
If you’re feeling stuck in your healing, you might need to go deeper. One of the most effective tools I’ve seen (both in my own journey and with my clients) is EMDR therapy.
The Self-Love Activation Program is a complete package, including 4 EMDR therapy sessions (90-minute each) that helps you reprocess the painful memories and limiting beliefs that keep you stuck.
In these sessions, we work together to:
🔹 Identify the negative beliefs formed by past trauma
🔹 Reprocess distressing memories so they no longer have power over you
🔹 Replace them with self-love and a new sense of worthiness
This program is not just about “feeling better” – it’s about truly transforming the way you see yourself. If you’re ready for a deep dive into healing, you can learn more about it here.
You’re Not Doing It Wrong – Healing Is Just Hard
If you’ve been feeling exhausted by healing, please know: you are not broken. You are not failing. You are healing.
Your body and brain are doing incredible work to help you heal from things you were never meant to endure. And yes, it’s tiring. But it’s also worth it.
So please, be gentle with yourself. Give yourself grace. Take breaks when you need to. And most importantly, keep going.
If you’re looking for ways to support your nervous system and make healing a little less exhausting, I’d love for you to join my free 7-day Nervous System Reset. It’s designed to give you the daily tools and support you need to regulate your nervous system as you heal.
Sign up here for the 7-Day Nervous System Reset!
Healing is hard – but you don’t have to do it alone. 💛
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