Here’s What I Wish I Knew Sooner
Have you ever felt like no matter how hard you try, you keep falling into the same patterns?
I know that feeling all too well. Healing can be messy, frustrating, and full of self-sabotage—sometimes without us even realizing it.
For years, I thought healing was about just trying harder en doing more. But the truth? I was making mistakes that kept me stuck. And if you’ve been struggling to move forward, you might be making them too.
So, let’s talk about 5 of the biggest mistakes that keep people stuck in self-sabotage—and what to do instead.
Mistake #1: Waiting for Motivation to Magically Appear
I used to think, “I’ll start when I feel ready.” But the problem? That feeling never came.
Waiting for motivation is one of the biggest traps in healing and personal growth. The truth is, motivation follows action, not the other way around. If you sit around waiting to feel like making a change, you’ll stay stuck in the same patterns forever. You can sit around and wait, while be perfectly comfortable where you’re at. Or face the fact that healing and growth also requires the discomfort of stepping out of your comfort zone.
🔹 What to do instead:
Start before you feel ready. Even the smallest step creates momentum. Action fuels motivation, not the other way around.
Mistake #2: Trying to Heal Alone
I thought that if I just read enough self-help books, listened to enough podcasts, and journaled every single thought, I could heal myself.
I was wrong.
Healing doesn’t happen in isolation. We’re wired for connection, and having the right support is life-changing. Whether it’s therapy, a trauma-informed coach, or even a trusted friend who truly sees you, healing is so much more powerful when you don’t have to do it alone.
🔹 What to do instead:
Reach out. Find a support system that understands trauma and self-sabotage. Healing isn’t about being ‘strong enough’ to do it alone—it’s about allowing yourself to receive the support you need.
Mistake #3: Beating Myself Up for Falling Back Into Old Patterns
Have you ever caught yourself saying:
❌ “Why do I keep doing this?!”
❌ “I should know better by now.”
❌ “I’m never going to change.”
I used to shame myself every time I fell back into self-sabotaging behaviors. But here’s the thing—self-sabotage isn’t about being lazy or undisciplined. It’s your brain trying to keep you safe.
Your nervous system clings to what’s familiar, even when it hurts you. That’s why it’s so easy to fall into old habits.
🔹 What to do instead:
Instead of blaming yourself, get curious. Ask yourself:
- What does this pattern do for me?
- What discomfort or fear am I avoiding?
- What’s one small shift I can make instead?
Compassion, not shame, is what helps you break free.
Mistake #4: Thinking That Awareness Alone Would Fix Everything
I used to believe that if I just understood my patterns, I could stop them. I thought, “Now that I know where this comes from, I won’t do it again.” But awareness alone isn’t enough. You have to actively rewire your brain.
If you’ve ever noticed your triggers, understood them, and then still repeated the same behavior—you’re not broken. You just haven’t reprocessed the deeper wounds that are keeping you stuck.
🔹 What to do instead:
Awareness is just the first step. The real work happens in reprocessing old beliefs and replacing them with healthier responses. This is where tools like EMDR therapy, nervous system regulation, and inner child work come in.
Mistake #5: Believing I Had to Be ‘Fully Healed’ Before I Could Enjoy Life
I wasted so much time waiting until I felt “healed enough” to do things. I mean, I told myself daily that I was broken beyond repair, so I’m sure you can imagine that “being healed” felt like the ultimate goal.
I told myself:
❌ “I’ll start having fun when I’m fully healed.”
❌ “I’ll take that opportunity when I feel more confident.”
❌ “I’ll be happy when I’m no longer struggling.”
But healing isn’t a finish line. It’s an ongoing process. And you don’t have to wait until you’re ‘fully healed’ to start living.
🔹 What to do instead:
Let yourself enjoy life now. You don’t have to be perfect to be happy. You can still grow while embracing the present.
Breaking the Cycle of Self-Sabotage
If you recognize yourself in any of these mistakes, you’re not alone.
The good news? Once you see these patterns, you can start changing them.
👉 Instead of waiting for motivation—take small actions.
👉 Instead of isolating—seek out support.
👉 Instead of blaming yourself—get curious about your patterns.
👉 Instead of just understanding your trauma—actively reprocess it.
👉 Instead of waiting until you’re ‘fully healed’—start living now.
Healing isn’t about being perfect. It’s about choosing to move forward, even when it’s messy.
Join the Conversation & Get Support on Your Healing Journey
Healing isn’t meant to be done alone. If you’re ready to break free from self-sabotage and start creating real change in your life, I invite you to join my free Telegram coaching group, Thrive Together: Healing & Embracing Growth.
Inside, you’ll get:
✔️ Daily self-care tips to support your healing journey
✔️ Guidance on breaking free from old patterns
✔️ A supportive community that understands what you’re going through
✔️ Exclusive insights and exercises you won’t find anywhere else
You don’t have to navigate this alone. Click below to join and start taking the next step toward a healthier, happier you!
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