Let’s talk about darkness. Real darkness.
The darkness that is part of you. Of me. Of us.
The darkness that resides in all of us.
There’s such a huge taboo on real darkness.
On sadness. On depression. And above all, on suicidal thoughts. Like we can’t talk about this in a normal way. That there has to be shame, blame and guilt around it all.
Who the hell are you to feel sad, depressed or even suicidal? Who the hell do you think you are to think about ending your life? You were given this life, so better live it. It’s precious. It’s a gift. It’s a miracle. So don’t you dare feel sad, depressed or even suicidal.
Yes, I know. It frequently has to do with religion too. Being posessed by evil spirits, the devil himself. Whatever you want to call it. All so called reasons why you are not allowed to be like that. To have such dark feelings. But still…
It’s about damn time that we admit it. Darkness is part of all of us. You can try to ignore it, think you don’t have it in you. But that’s a whole lot of BS right there. We all have at least the tiniest bit of darkness inside of us. Everyone.
You sometimes feel angry? You feel hurt? Or you feel sad?
Well hello!!! That is part of this darkness!
It’s part of who we are. We can’t live our life without it. We just can’t. It’s part of all of us. Including you!
But for some…
Perhaps for more than you might realize…
Perhaps even for you…
This darkness gets too overwhelming. It’s too much to bare. It’s all just too much…
You just want it to stop. It’s too much. You see no way out of the darkness, the emptiness and the pain. Oh, the constant pain…
Please make it stop!
Please make an end to this.
Please make it all go away.
Or better yet, make me go away.
Away from it all.
Away from the pain.
Away from the pain.
Away from the sadness.
Away from the hurt.
Away from the lonliness.
Away from the emptiness.
Away from it all.
Do you know what it’s like? The constant internal struggle with yourself. The things that you tell yourself. Or tell God or whoever or whatever you believe in. Do you know???
First it starts with asking. Then begging. And then? Then you start contemplating on how you could do it yourself. It doens’t matter anymore. Nothing matters anymore. It’s all too dark now.
But then it get’s crazy. Really crazy. Because then society buts in. Family, friends, people you know, people you don’t know, the way society perceives this…
Everyone sharing their thoughts on this, whether you asked for it or not. Mostly not, obviously.
Saying that you’re crazy. Telling you to be ashamed. That you should feel guilty. All because you see NO WAY OUT!
How dare you think these thoughts!
How dare you contemplate such things!
How dare you be willing to leave behind everyone that you love!
How dare you take matters into your own hands!
How dare you play God!
And this is exactly what makes it such a taboo to talk about. Could we not please make an end to this taboo? Not being able to talk about it only makes it worse.
And when you do? When you finally find the courage to open up and talk about it?
You get told all these things. Why? WHY?
It clearly doesn’t do it any good…
Yes, I’ve been there.
I am one of these persons. I am one of you.
I know what it’s like to see no way out. To ask for an ending to it all. To even beg for a deadly accident to happen. To play with aspirins to see how many it would take. I have been on that side of darkness. For a long, long time.
But I did open up. I did chose to talk about it. Share my thoughts. Get the help I needed. Seek the light within me.
Yes, I got these crazy responses too. Didn’t do me any good. It only made it worse.
Being told – straight to my face, after opening up – that I “clearly have psychological PROBLEMS!”
That hurts. A lot. All this shame, blame and guilt makes the hurt worse than it already is.
So here’s to those standing beside someone going through this:
Please, please, please, PLEASE STOP THIS!
Saying these hurtful things to the one you love. It is not helping in any way, shape or form. It only makes it worse. Adding to the already existing feelings of shame, blame and guilt, is not helping your loved one. It’s not.
Giving advice, if you haven’t gone through this yourself. If you do not know what it’s like to feel depressed or suicidal, don’t give unsollicited advice. Just don’t. You don’t know what it’s like, so you can’t give advice.
Making your loved one feel it’s not OK to talk openly about this. Listen, talk, be there. But don’t shut him or her down. It only makes it worse.
Want to help?
Please start by doing things that work. Give love, undivided attention. Listen to this person, really listen. Just be there and perhaps even ask what he or she needs from you.
We want help. But mostly? Mostly we’re just afraid of asking, because we’re afraid of the response you’ll give.
Please know that this darkness is part of all of us. For some it’s just too much right now. And that’s OK to talk about. 💕