Fuck it… I’m going to say it out loud here…
I can NOT handle stress!
Just can’t. NOt even a little bit. I just can’t…
Or something else: “I’m at my best when under stress”. And know I have said this long ago, plenty of times even. But it’s just not true. I am at my best when in flow, and that is something completely different than stress. Stress isn’t well for anyone.
I can actually feel stress settling down in my body. It shows up as physical pain. Of course, stress is a mental thing, but it almost always shows itself as a physical thing. Whether you see or feel it, or not. It’s there. Always.
Today I’m feeling the stress. A lot even. Our oldest had an extreme allergic reaction to something, and we don’t know what caused it. His skin is itchy, covered in tiny red bumps. His hands and face are swollen, and he has difficulty breathing through his nose.
So, quite a lot to worry about…
The first place I can feel the stress coming up, is in my neck. All muscles thighten. It even seems like my neck vertebrae get locked up. I can hear it all squeaking! Then the tiredness follows. Just like my fibromyalgia. And then it’s all complete… A physical pain party due to stress.
To me this tells me a lot. Sure, the fact that stress is not OK for me and my body. But also that I need to make different choices in my life. About the way I live life, what I do, what is right for me, and what’s not right for me.
And yeah, this also means I’m making choices others won’t understand. Things of which others say:
“Are you really doing THAT?”
“I don’t feel like you’re making a wise decision.”
“Don’t be so foolish!”
“Did you even consider the consequences?”
Trust me: thinking about consequences is a thing I do way too often. I’m a real over-thinker.
The very best when it comes to figuring out all tiny details.
Making elaborate plans.
Finding the pros and cons.
I’m even really good at thinking about every possible doom scenario. INCLUDED all
possible solutions to each and every scenario. I could possibly be the world’s best at it.
So all my choices are always well thought of. But these days my choices are more and more based on what FEELS good. What feels right for me.
Living based on my feelings and true purpose, and less from my mind and all thoughts.
And yes, that also means that the choices I’m making, may seem totally illogical to you. But for me, these are the best choices ever to be made. Just because it feels good. And that… That makes it the best decision ever!
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